Yesterday was supposed to be my 400 calorie day and I failer so bad.... I started my failure by thinking that it was my 600 calorie day and then already crossed 400 calories before I noticed I was eating too much. Then I had some kind of a physical brakedown in the evening. I had been spending my eveningn with some friends and some drinks, and when I got home at 12.30 pm I noticed that I was starving... I had been starving for hours already and just for a second there was a thought in my head " eat." For a secnd I thought, if you are hunggry you sould eat. And so I did. I had no control over myself, all I could htink was "just try not to go over 1000..." and I ate. And let me tell you, it felt GOOD. I havent eaten this much for a month and I have been starving all the time, and for the first time in a very very vey long time I was full. After I had eaten, I was full...  So this is the fail part. The win part is that this morning I weighted 53.9 kg. So less then yesterday. Thank God.....

I think ill just continue my diet the normal way now, with 600 calories for today and pretend that yesterday didnt happen...

Yesterday was day 800 calories on my 2468 diet. And it was easier than i thought... I had eaten 300 calories by 9 pm so I had to force the rest down but I did it! Today is 200 calories again. Something I am more familiar with... This morningn I weighed 54.8 kg, so I have been under 55kg for a week almost, so I can check it out now! 4 more kg to go until my goal.... Not much. : ) 

I feel so bad for not working out more... Last time was monday and today is thursday. I really need to do something! Today! Must.

Have a great day babies!

Today is day 600 calories from my 2468 diet. I wonder how I will do tomorrow since 800 calories is more than i have been eating recently... I just need to make it happen so that when I go back to 200 calories my metabolism will be on fire! : ) 

This morning i weight 54.4 kg and I am thinking if i could cross uou 55 kg already? Maybe ill wait for tomorrow, just in case. If i am still under 55 kg tomorrow, then Ill cross it out. Promise.

My birthday is coming up and I think my diet will fail then... really miserably... and my parents have started noticing my eating habbits changing and are trying to offer me food all the time. Oh the joy. I wish everyone would just leave me alone with this beacuse the sooner I reach my goal, the sooner I will stop. I think... I started thinking today that I am about 3-4kg from my goal, that will I actually stop then? Or keep going... I dont think i can eat normally after this. I have been doing this for 5- 6 weeks now, so going back to eating with no worries and bad concious is not going to be easy...

summer, please come now.

I had one hour of gym today and ate my 400 calories. Tomorrow is going to be even easier with 600 calories.

Off to bed babies. <3

Breakfast:

youghurt and nuts

Lunch:

salad

Dinner:

two pieces of lettuce and 60g of cucumber...

I also swam for 40 minutes and walked some 20 minutes.

Tomorrow is going to be better with 400 calories... I have school tomorrow so I need to eat some breakfast to avoid passing out in class, so 400 calories is good.

I hope you guys had a better day than I did....

I dont know what has gotten into me lately. I eat. I actually ate today almost normally. I had breakfast, lunch and dinner. I ate a 1000 calories today. Whats wrong with me?! I do want to be skinny ! I want this so bad, yet still somehow I eat without thinking about it. And dont get me wrong, I do have a bad concsious but I just eat. And now I really really want to go and puke everything out, but I cant beacuse my parents are right there and they would hear everything and if they think i am sick, I cant go workout tomorrow... I think I need to go out for a walk and puke outside... Thats my only option..

Oh and btw, this morning 54.7 kg.

Getting there.. BUt right now its over 56 kg... I hate this...... I hate this so much... God let me be skinny. Its all that I am asking for...

I woke up this morning. Big mistake... I ate some breakfast. Big mistake.... I ate lunch. Big mistake..... I checked my weight. Big mistake.... I tried puking out my lunch.... the best decision so far but it was horrible. I know i am pathetic but i was sitting on the bathroom floor with tears in my eyes trying to puke out my lunch. I know my stomach is still no where empty and i tried to puke again and again but i just cant force myself to do it anymore. I just rather die right now than puke again. It was just horrible. Last night I thought i could actually do this... This mornign my weight was 56.6..... I am starving and my weight is going up!!! What the hell am I doing wrong!! I cant do this today... I just.... I dont know what to do. I just need to get this fat off right now, but I can't!  I am panicking beacuse I dont want to be like this forever! I catn be fat forever. I cant. I need to get this weight down now!! I am going to starve until I am at 54 kg.

so guess what, didnt work out today ether... I did 100 crunches and thats all. I cant believe myself! Tomorrow i really need to make time for workout! I have to! Right now my daily intake is around 400 calories.. so not bad. i just havve live with it and do better tomorrow...

I have a school doctor tomorrow so Ill see how tall i am so i can calcualte my BMI more accurately now...

Just finnished my 100 workout...

never gonna happen...

3 cups of coffee for breakfast

Salad, cucumber, tomato, red pepper and boiled egg white for lunch

salad, cucumber, tomato, red pepper, boiled carrots and tofu for dinner.

168 calories... this is my new record. And I feel better than ever.